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Okay. That's it.
No more booze, girl.
You've got too much to hide.
Var
sent a postcard on 8/19/2007
So.
I'm old now. Apparently. Every time I've had a birthday, I've reflected on the fact that I feel exactly the way I did last year and every year before that.
But this time is different.
For some bizarre reason, some people from my past are popping up. In them I see:
- how I used to look to them
- how I used to be via the way I used to react/what I used to think of them
I find that I am very, very different.
I wonder if loss of innocence always leads to the inevitability of cynicism, unhappiness.
It's The Fall all over again. Adam and Eve were all fine and dandy until they went and picked and tasted the fruit of the Tree of Knowledge. And it was all downhill from there. Knowing seems to be the root of depression.
In the past year I have come to know so much. I have known happiness, I have known strength, I have known confidence, beauty and unconditional love. And I have known pain, I have known depression, I have known loneliness. I have known emotional self-destruction.
I spent months fine-tuning myself into the type of person I hated most because I wanted to punish myself for not being able to be the person that the one person I loved most wanted me to be.
It is that period more than anything which has turned me into who I am now.
So.
Now I'm twenty one.
Happy birthday. To. Me.
Var
sent a postcard on 8/18/2007
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