It is a common thing to go out and spend as soon as you get a huge cash injection like when you receive your tax return. This year, one of my friends got hair extentions which were in excess of $1000. Another friend bought Guitar Hero with two guitars. I personally have never done this before. Being the stingy asian I am, I usually just immediately squirrel it away "for a rainy day". However, this year, I decided to participate in the Tax Return Spending Spree - and have purchased myself a new digital camera! =D
So now I am chillin' with my small, sexy Panasonic Lumix FS3.
It took a long time to decide because for the longest time I had been fixated upon the Sony Cybershot series. But after long deliberation, I changed my mind and am very happy with my purchase (although keep in mind that my only point of comparison is my 6-year old, 5MB brick of an ex-camera).
Here are some of the test photos I took to try it out today. Note that none of them have been altered apart from resizing in order to better represent the camera quality. Also note that my photo-taking skills are fairly average to poor. ^_^;;
And you can't have a new camera without pouncing on a cam whore opportunity! =D
Good timing too cos tomorrow is the last day of semester and therefore the last of the official wushu classes for '08. Some of my fellow wushuers are graduating and leaving Australia so it'll be good to get some parting snaps in better quality. There's also an end-of-sem club event so will hopefully get some good photos there as well!
Var
sent a postcard on 10/30/2008
Hrm...so a while ago I wrote a post about whether or not one should accept candy from an old man. Now I have another question to pose to you: would you accept candy from someone in an animal suit??
I saw him crossing the road on my way back from uni. At least I think it was a 'him'. Couldn't really tell because it was a complete costume, one of the ones which don't show your face at all. I was guessing from the height because this guy was towering at about 6'...but then again, that could've just been the costume. Also, I'm not sure what the animal was. A bunny? A fox? It was reddish/brown with long, pointed ears.
Now this might sound strange but I had to do a double-take when I noticed him. The strange part is that I didn't do that double-take cos of the outfit - I did it cos he somehow managed to look SO normal. He was just...y'know...strolling along with one of those green, environmentally-friendly shopping bags like he just came back from getting the groceries. He wasn't standing on the street with a charity bucket or some gimicky sign and he wasn't handing out fliers. Just walking around.
I stared a little longer and watched as he stopped an old lady. After a brief chat, he opened his bag and held it out to her and I saw her take what looked like a chocolate bar (was kinda in the distance but it was long with a shiny wrapper). Saying her thanks, she continued on her way and he continued on his.
...
Is anyone else feeling a bit, "wtf?? ^^;;"?
Second random thing which happened today was that a friend and I met up at a cafe for brunch. We went to sit outside and there was no one else around cos it was kinda windy. Shortly after we started eating/talking a guy came out from the cafe. I watched him out of the corner of my eye as he paused to find a seat. Note that ALL the tables were empty except for ours, yet after what seemed like careful deliberation, he went to sit next to us (they were the long, bench kind of tables).
Ignoring him, we continued on our conversation but I kept noticing that whenever we said something funny, he looked over to us with a huge grin. Even though he had a newspaper in front of him he was obviously listening to everything we were talking about. Figuring nothing we were prattling on about was of any consequence anyway, we didn't really care so we continued. But when we started having an argument about (*lol*) Facebook, he outright laughed out loud and INSERTED himself into the conversation.
"Sorry guys I couldn't help but overhear what you were talking about (Yeah right, ya psycho. All those empty tables are testament to how you "couldn't help it"). I just wanted to say it is SO refreshing to find someone who shares the same views as me against Facebook."
After that, he felt he had become part of our group so kept laughing while we were talking and asking us questions. Thankfully but annoyingly they were all about Facebook. Just note that he wasn't some fellow uni student or something - this was a balding man in his late 30s to early 40s dressed in a suit.
As soon as my friend finished eating, I tried as politely as possible to remove ourselves from the situation.
O_O
...in other news....NEW CAMERA!! w00t!!! More info later when the battery has fully charged.
Var
sent a postcard on 10/30/2008
Once upon a time, we frowned upon those girls who slept around. Now we have become them.
More and more of my friends I see slipping into this phase (phase?) of promiscuous behaviour. I, too, must admit I have fallen victim to it, although granted I have slowed down a lot. In my efforts to understand the phenomena, I sought a pattern, some common factor between all these different girls I knew and myself.
This was it: they all had a serious, meaningful relationship which ended very badly with a lot of pain.
Originally I figured that this was like a rebound. Y'know...your hurt so you try and do anything which will make you forget, make you feel good, feel wanted, feel anything. I thought for all these people that it was a phase which would pass with time. "Time heals everything" is what people say, right?
But we're going on years now.
How long does something have to go for before it stops being considered a phase and becomes a part of who you are?
I know a girl who has a phone book full of different guys who she can call up at any time to scratch her itch. Another girl sleeps around within the same group of guy friends and doesn't care that they don't care about sharing. Another one drinks and drinks just so she can blur the face of whoever she's with into anonymnity. All these girls have endured this "phase" for two years or longer.
I try to vindicate myself by saying that at least the relationships I have are not one-night stands, but the intentions and the outcome are the same. Even if it lasts for months, doesn't mean that I feel more deeply about them, doesn't mean that it's about anything more than physical gratification.
I thought I was rebounding, that it would pass. But the other day during a phone conversation, my friend said, "I'm worried about you. Do you realise that it's been 2 years since you've dated?"
I was immediately defensive. "No it hasn't!"
My friend paused and I could almost imagine her shaking her head on the other end. "...I meant seriously dated."
She was right. I hadn't realised.
After further deliberation, I have revised my theory.
It is not a phase - it is a state. A state of suspension, perhaps a limbo or purgatory of sorts. These girls were in love and despite the break up, their heart still belongs to that person. However, the body has its physical needs and desires. So in an attempt to sate their natural hunger they pursue relationships, but are unable to make any real connection because they are unable to offer what is truly essential in any meaningful relationship.
If you don't understand, watch the educational video below:
While I'm on this topic, let me state this: "Boyfriend" should be an incidental label not a role than needs filling. Girls shouldn't want just anyone who fits a preference criteria. A girl should work on being happy with herself (cos god knows that's difficult enough) instead of working on making someone else like her. And if she happens to meet someone who enriches her life and she decides to share part of it with him, then this should be additional - she shouldn't recreate her life around him.
So no, my dear friends, I am not just being overly picky. Yes, I realise that he is male and yes I realise he is single. No, I am not interested. No, that doesn't mean I am gay. And by the way, I would really appreciate it if you'd stop suggesting I whore myself out to every Tom, Dick and Harry which crosses my path in the hopes that I might strike lucky and find someone of marriage material.
Why is it so hard for you guys to believe that I want to be alone??
Var
sent a postcard on 10/29/2008
For the past two nights I have had insomnia. No idea why. I settle down for sleep, climb into bed, snuggle under the covers. I feel the warmth slowly creeping up my ankles, chasing away the initial cool of the doona. The room is dark, still. I close my eyes and wait.
And wait...
And wait.
And then my alarm (which I could've sworn I only set ten minutes ago before I climbed into bed) is ringing. I stare in disbelief at the apparent time, blink with confusion at the pale colour creeping out from behind the curtain across my bedroom ceiling. After a moment, I crawl reluctantly from the sheets and examine my bloodshot eyes in the mirror.
This is how it's been. For. Two. Nights. Doesn't sound like long, but by GOD I can tell you it feels otherwise. Each time I get up, I feel like I have had no rest at all, like it's just one extended day with a pause where I am just in this limbo, between-consciousnesses state.
So right now I am feeling EXTREMELY ON EDGE. @_@ I feel jittery, shoulders hunched, unable to keep the tremble out of my fingers. It was even worse today cos it was super busy at work and I was there on my own. Bad to the point that somehow I managed to develop sweat marks on my shirt from simply running aroung reception. *lol*
I think perhaps it's the exercise? Like...too many endorphins/too much adrenaline keeping me up? That's the only thing that I can think of that has changed recently. Although when I was going every day before my foot fracture I had no problems, and I thought that exercise was supposed to help you sleep. Hmm...maybe I'm just hitting the gym too late at night.
Anyway, we'll see what happens tonight. Will keep you posted.
...or will be comatose from sleep-deprivation. -_-
Var
sent a postcard on 10/22/2008
Decoding the sparing vocabulary that males use to describe us girls, based on examples from my male friends and my own experience...
"pretty" = not too bad on the eyes but pretty average "cute" = same as or slightly better than pretty; no sex appeal but the kind of gal who looks warm and huggable "hot" = upgrade from pretty; stands out in a crowd; has sex appeal "fckn hot" = has a 'wow' factor; usually intimidating; kind of gal a guy would wanna bone but would probably never approach (*lol*) "sexy" = pretty meaningless; the girl is good looking, but usually whoever is saying it to her has little to no respect for her (ie. construction worker or sleazy guy at bar) or, if it's a partner, it's less of an appreciation of the girl and more a vocalisation of his groin's sentiments "beautiful" = can be said lecherously by aforementioned construction worker/sleazy guy in which case, meaningless (ya, sorry, but he's just desperate); if said with meaning by a partner, he is referring to more than physical appearance - he sees the girl as more than a piece o' tail and has a real appreciation of her
All those adjectives have been used on me many times but the last one has only ever been said to me once in my life. It is the only one which I ever really heard.
Var
sent a postcard on 10/22/2008
Okay, so I'm going to do an update of random, mostly unrelated things so don't expect any structure in this post. *lol*
So our third housemate is back from being away for one month to visit her home country. We are not particularly close but we get along well enough and even though things were fine with just me and the other housemate, I feel as if now things are back to normal. Like...the household is now whole again.
I consider a "home" to be more than the physical institute in which you live. For example, my current home is here in this apartment and that definition also includes both my housemates. My parents' place, on the other hand, (even though it is the place where I grew up, and where I can sleep whenever and eat whatever I want) is no longer home to me. I believe that "home" doesn't have to be a physical place either. You can find a home in, for instance, someone you deeply care about. I guess the definition is simply your comfort zone, where you feel safe and at peace, whether it is with a person you love or your own personal space.
While she was gone, she missed quite a couple of things. Last night, it was suddenly!heatwave. Jumped from about 15 degrees to 30 degrees in the blink of an eye. My housemate randomly invited some people over for a bbq but because the one downstairs was booked by another resident, we crossed the road to the park. I fell asleep cos I was exhausted from a 9-hour, 7am start shift (and also cos some stupid stalker guy who won't leave me alone called me at friggin' 3am in the morning!!) so I got there a while later when they had already finished cooking and it was already dark. There's something surreal about a still, hot night, as if darkness should naturally be cold. Another thing I distinctly recall is how, as I was walking across the park to meet them, there was like a low layer of chill air around my ankles, but from my shins upwards, it was really hot. The grass keeps cool, I guess? ^_^;;
Anyway, the bbq was good, although we weren't clever enough to bring a lamp or something so we were never sure whether that black shape on the sausage was a crust of charcoal or whether it was an insect which had settled onto the tasty meat. =/ There were lots of very large bats which kept flying overhead and having fights in a nearby tree; I think perhaps there was a family of them roosting there.
I needed to study so after we headed back, I locked myself in my room for a good couple of hours. At one stage, I wandered out into the lounge room to watch a bit of television, when suddenly the lights flickered out. After a pause, they came back on - then went out again. My housemate has a nasty habit of leaving the curtains wide open at nighttime so we were able to see that the whole area was out - even the tall apartment buildings in the distance. Usually when you look out, you can see quite a lot of lit apartments, bright patches against the dark building facade. But with the blackout, there was nothing. No streetlights either. It was vaguely ominous to be staring out from the balcony into a darkened street. The buzz of the backup generators and the dimness of the emergency lights also added to the freaky atmosphere.
It only occured to me then that we had no manner of battery operated lamps or torches around. (Mental note: add that to shopping list.) We were running around using our mobile phones to light our way. *lol* The blackout actually lasted for quite a long time...perhaps about an hour. I realised just how electricity-dependent I am; at home, I'm pretty much always on my laptop or watching tv. ^_^;; So after my laptop died without its power source (ya, the battery has very little retention) I was going a bit stir-crazy as to what I could do in the dark. Just as I was considering giving in and going to bed, the power was back on again. *lol*
Today, something else weird happened. Remember a couple of posts ago, there was some weird woman who buzzed up to my apartment asking for me by name? Well...today I was woken by the insistent buzzing of the intercom. I was in a half-dreamy state so I just stayed in bed, thinking someone else could get it. But the buzzing continued as if someone was pressing their thumb down and holding on the button. With great irritation, I rose and stumbled outside, realising that all my housemates were out. By the time I reached it, the intercom screen had already blacked out and didn't light up again. Unfortunately there's no way for us to activate the screen unless someone's buzzing up so I couldn't look to see who was standing there. Shrugging it off, I headed back to bed. Later on, I asked my roommates if any of them had been expecting anyone. They all said no.
Now...I'm starting to be disturbed again. There are three possibilities: - someone had the wrong apartment number and meant to buzz someone else - some random person was looking for us - THE SCARY STALKER WOMAN WAS BACK, LOOKING FOR ME
Once again, I am incredibly grateful for the level of security that exists in this building and don't have to be worried that in the middle of the night, some 40-something, overweight psycho will sneak up to my level and break in.
Var
sent a postcard on 10/19/2008
If you love someone but you can't be with them, is it better to hang around and enjoy their company or to leave and spare yourself the pain of being so close to the unattainable?
Var
sent a postcard on 10/19/2008
"Let me know when you're available."
"Oh, I'll probably be free next Sunday."
"...that's not what I meant."
*sighs* Why are all the good ones always taken?
Var
sent a postcard on 10/17/2008
Wow. I don't think I've had such a strong urge to go shopping IN MY LIFE. I've never really been the one who actively goes shopping for no particular reason. I might be strolling home from work and notice something nice in a store window and wander in for a little browse. I might be dragged along by enthusiastic friends and enjoy the experience. I might go out with the specific intent to get a certain item and be distracted along the way by other nice-looking things.
BUT I have NEVER had the desire to go shopping FOR THE SAKE of shopping.
...until now.
Maybe it's part of this whole change thing. I feel like I'm recreating a new me so maybe that requires a new wardrobe as well? ^_^;; *lol* (Not too far from the truth, actually, because a lot of my old clothes are now very ill-fitting. Damn you convenient tumble dryer!! *shakes fist*)
Luckily I am hindered from splurging and going girly-stupid in some overpriced department store because I am BROKE. Pity the full-time student living out of home. -_-
Actually, I lie. I DO need something specific, but it is something which I have also never in my life shopped for: ACTIVEWEAR. Yes, unfortunately those old tracksuit pants just don't cut it anymore because the elastic has gone so badly that when I do a stretch, I show a hefty portion of ass crack (and believe you me, that ain't no pretty sight). Also, doing treadmill on a daily basis is painful you got the curves but you don't got the support (if ya know what I mean *wink wink, nudge nudge*). So I guess I'll have to budget that from the meagre savings I have. As I said, never done this kind of shopping before so I'll be going in blind. Hopefully I don't end up with a pair of camel-toe producing "yoga" pants (ya...I've seen them...*shudders*).
Wish me luck and good judgement!
Var
sent a postcard on 10/16/2008
I suppose I should post something here. *lol* For once, the lack of updates is not because I don't have anything going on in my life. I guess the only times when I really feel like posting is when I don't have anyone else to share my news or thoughts with but these days it seems like I don't have that problem anymore. =)
Anyway, after the fracture I got a bit depressed cos I felt like fate was trying to thwart my attempts to change. But last night I cautiously tried out the treadmill...and no pain! Even with the high-impact workout, my foot was perfectly fine. So I take that as a sign that I can go back to wushu and resume my daily gym visits. Yay! ^____^
In entirely unrelated news...do you ever go out and make a small purchase yet feel an incredible sense of accomplishment/achievement for it? Usually when I do this, it's an item of clothing or something the apartment has been needing for a long time like Spray 'n' Wipe, but yesterday, all I bought was a tiny lined notepad for 90c at the newsagents. The reason for this strange reaction to the meagre purchase is because this notepad will be with me constantly, accompanied by a pen - a place to jot down ANYTHING that comes to mind. Thoughts, ideas, images. Descriptions of interesting people I see, scraps of conversations overhead on public transport, fleeting memories from bizarre dreams. This is the journal that every english teacher, every creative writing tutor, every book on becoming a writer has recommended. This is going to snatch those flitting, easily forgotten thoughts from the sky of my mind and forcefully drive them into permanancy with ink. Hopefully this will help me develop more ideas for writing because it's been a dry spell for a while. *hehe*
Speaking of writing, you know the new job that I mentioned about three posts ago? Well for the longest time I was really scared I was gonna fuck it up. Hence I didn't really tell many people about it. However, I managed to do all the interviews and have written one article up and sent it to the big boss. And...he liked it! I was so surprised cos personally I thought it was a piece of shite. *lol* But first drafts have to start somewhere I guess. Needs lots of tweaking but he is happy with the result which means I'm happy because he's happy to publish it! It was extraordinarily difficult to write though, simply because there's so much fucking CROSSREFERENCING. >_< I don't like working with facts and research. Blehhh.... I like fiction where you can just pull shit outta your ass. Ye-eahhhh...
Anyway, one article down, two articles to go. Have finished all the interviews. One was terrible and the other was really good. I've found that the best interviews are the ones where the subject likes to ramble. The one which was terrible provided me pretty much with just yes/no answers. I need long-winded flowery answers where the guy completely goes off onto a tangent (which is still related to the topic at hand). I need anecdotes and memories, stories and quotes that I can work into the article. As I was saying to a friend, this is how an article based on monosyllabic answers would read: "When asked what he recalled of the accident, Brown said, '...it hurt. Bad.'"
Probably my longest friend, Hazel, also got published! Yay! So congrats to her! For this decade or so that we have known each other, we have always shared our common passion in writing, but have never really done anything about it, apart from bounce back endless ideas which never really lead to fruition. *lol* But now I feel like we are both finally heading in the right direction. =D
The weather's looking up with today having a top of 29 degrees. When I saw the weather forecast yesterday, I couldn't resist throwing out the idea to my friends to go to the beach - and they all came! *lol* Just goes to show that spontanaeity leads to the best fun. *hehe* Anyway, too tired now to write about it now. Might make a post later with some photos once I steal them off the others' cameras.
Var
sent a postcard on 10/12/2008
My university has (as I imagine most would) a Careers and Employment service. Part of this is a mailing list which offers a weekly newsletter. I signed up with this a long time ago and the most recent issue featured an article which stated this:
"The latest statistics from America show that about 20% of employers look for information about potential employees on social networking sites, and about one third then use this information to reject candidates. (Survey at CareerBuilder.com) Given Australia's enthusiastic uptake of Facebook and MySpace it wouldn't be unreasonable to think that the figures here would be similar."
I have been anti-Facebook/all social networking sites for a long time now and this just gives me more reason to stand by my decision. *lol*
I've always nursed a quiet bitterness at how common my name is, especially back in my younger days when I was reading heaps of fiction sporting names like "Kestrel" and "Iliana". And it's not just my first name that's as common as dirt - my middle and surname too!
Having read that excerpt today, I finally came to see things from a different perspective. Now I actually appreciate my anonymnity because I realise that it gives me the option to be or not to be known and to select what I am known for. If you tried googling my name, thousands of things completely unrelated to me would come up. No potential employer would ever be able to find any dirt on me. *lol* However, the creation of my unique, 10-year-old online identity ensures that anything under this name is directly related to me and only to me. As I intend to become an author and to use my alias as a pseudonym, this will be particularly useful.
Sometimes I am surprised at just how honest people are on these social networking sites and how much they happily divulge to the faceless online public. The only things which really link my online identity back to the real me are my photos. But there are few of those and none of them (that I can recall) are incriminating. *lol*
I'm pretty much just ranting, but I guess the conclusion of all this is...
I will never become a FACEBOOKER! *lol* I am not like those others who sold out. When I say something, I mean it and I stand by it.
I keep my promises.
Var
sent a postcard on 10/10/2008
SCARY.
This blog has recently become an account of all the weird things that keep happening to me. *lol*
Anyway, yesterday I came out of my room to grab a drink.
"Were you expecting someone?"
Pausing as I passed my housemate who was furiously clicking away on a bunch of ghouls in some MMORPG, I said, "....no? Why? Is there someone here?"
"Yeah," he said, distracted. "There was someone downstairs asking for you. A woman."
I moved to the intercom video face with a frown. "What, you mean they're down there now? This just happened? How come you didn't call me?" The monitor was black.
Perhaps hearing the rising irritation in my tone, my housemate finally turned his full attention to me. Shrugging, he explained, "I said, 'Wait' and she said, 'Nevermind. I'll call the person I'm looking for' and left."
"...what did she look like?"
"Some woman...caucasian."
I hiked an eyebrow, waiting for him to elaborate. Most of my friends are caucasian.
"...In her forties, short blond hair...a little large?"
"Large as in tall or fat?"
"Um...maybe slightly overweight?"
"..."
"..."
"And she asked for me by name?"
"Yeah, she asked if Var was there."
"...I don't know ANYONE who is overweight or in their forties."
So yes. Now I am disturbed. Few people know that I live here. Most people still think I live up in Carlton. Even the close friends who have been to this apartment lots still have trouble remembering the unit number.
And I got no phone call.
I'm really hoping that this was just some really random, freaky coincidence.
